In all of us there is a hunger, marrow deep, to know our heritage
to know who we are and where we came from. Without this
enriching knowledge, there is a hollow yearning. No matter what
our attainments in life, there is still a vacuum, an emptiness,
and the most disquieting loneliness.
Alex Haley, ROOTS
THE BAUERLAND CYCLE follows
the train track bordering Ramsey Lake in my hometown of Sudbury,
Ontario. Ironically, this train track travels from one father to
another: my adoptive father, the only father I have known, on one
side; and my birth father, whom I have never met, on the other.
They are linked by a train track and separated by a body of water.
I walked past my birth fathers old house once. I felt
sneaky, stealthily lurking about for clues. It was Winter. Somebody
was shoveling. I was too timid.
He no longer lives there. I have a father. I am not looking for
another. What I am looking for are the little things: history, details,
stories of a hidden parallel life.
My birth father has a different ethnic background than my father.
I know nothing about this side of my family. I do indeed feel like
a thief adopting my adoptive parents family history
as my own. I have my own separate family history, carefully safeguarded,
on the wrong side of the tracks.
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