LETTER TO M.P.P. #1
Sandi Jowett
Cameron, Ontario, Canada
June 29, 2001

The Hon. John Baird, M.P.P. , (Nepean-Carleton)
Hepburn Block, 6th Floor
80 Grosvenor Street
Toronto ON M7A 1E9

I am writing to you on behalf of families separated many years ago by adoption. My husband Bob was one such person.

At the age of 30, in 1980, he was diagnosed at Sunnybrooke Hospital with a series of 5 arterial-venous malformations (ATM) along the right side of his brain. These are considered to be congenital but little is known about them. There is also a biological component. The neurosurgeon, Dr Swartz, requested family medical history but as an adoptee he was not entitled to such information. ADR had not been legislated. The AVM’s are large and inoperable. He had a 7 year old son and was told to get his affairs in order as they felt he might have 5 years to live. This is still a relatively new medical field. Doctors are only now beginning to understand them.

Bob was retired from work as a mechanic at the age of 30 and has been on CCP Disability ever since. He suffers severe migraine type headaches, lack of vision and numbness along the left side of his body. The trigger for these headaches appears to be weather related over which we have no control. The prognosis is stroke, paralysis and death. In the last 2 years Bob has started having seizures, sometimes several a day.

In 1995 we requested that ADR do a ‘Health, Safety and Welfare’ search that was accepted. When the first mother was contacted by ADR her immediate reaction was denial. The call from ADR must have been very unnerving to her as previous contact with social workers had been extremely painful. I do not feel that government workers should place such calls, as contact is a very delicate matter. An intermediary is a much better way to go, be it a licensed intermediary or someone from Parent Finders who have more experience with the adoption reality than any social worker will ever learn in a book.

ADR then offered to search for another sister who had been relinquished 3 years previously. It was a wonderful meeting seeing the similarities and family resemblance but the reunion failed to give us the much required family medical history as she had none herself.

ADRs third and final search was for the birth father. As Bob’s adoption was private, CAS had no information on him and took the information from his sister, Judith’s records. The problem was, as we were to discover later, the birth fathers were not the same. ADR told us the birth father was deceased. They refused to give us his name initially and it was only after appealing to ADR, a name was relinquished but not place or date of death. The ‘Health, Safety and Welfare’ search was faulty and left us with no more information. Furthermore we were told no more information would be forthcoming. The search was finished in their estimation.

In 2000, Bob started having seizures that could not be controlled by medication. His health was going down hill quickly. In desperation I again contacted ADR. I told them his health was deteriorating quickly and we needed medical history. I also took them to task for their initial search. I felt it was not done in good faith or with the seriousness that it deserved.

Why had they searched for a sibling who herself had no background? I requested one more search for a sibling who had not been adopted. Our appeal was accepted. Bob’s half brother Ronald Eaton was contacted and with the support of her son, his mother was able to admit that she had relinquished two children in the ‘40’s. Without his support I don’t think she could have done this. As it turned out Bob was one of 11 children.

A meeting was set up with Bob’s mother along with the support of 3 of her other children. It was a revelation. Once his mother no longer felt threatened by the disclosure to her children or having contact with us, we had a very enjoyable and enlightening visit. From the beginning we made our expectations known. We requested an update medical history and a picture of the birth father who she had married the same year and had 3 more children. He passed away in 1978. We also stated we were open to further contact if everyone was comfortable with contact.

It has been revealed Bob had an older brother who died of heart disease in his late 40’s. Another brother has had triple bypass surgery and a sister has had angioplasty. His oldest brother is diabetic and may lose both his legs. While none of this is good news it is important. Bob’s doctor was so concerned about the AVM that he failed to recognize there could be other conditions that were equally important to his health.

Bob’s son is 28 and now engaged to be married. The medical history was of importance to Kevin and his future wife if they were to have children. Adoption is a life saga that has far reaching effects on future generations. Since our reunion Bob has asked his mother what she would be comfortable being called. Her reply was, ‘MOM, and I wouldn’t have it any other way’.

This past weekend we attended a family reunion and he was able to meet many other relatives. For the first time I think Bob feels complete. As with all family matters, we had to accept the good news with the bad. Bob’s life has come full circle. The hole has been filled.

Although by times, search and reunion can be very emotional, I believe there is a very large healing component for everyone. At the reunion I watched as BobØs mother, seated next to him, rubbed his back. She turned 81 on June 26th.

She enjoys receiving calls from him. I quietly explained to any who wondered at the reunion where Bob fit in. Bob’s father was a widower trying to raise 4 children on his own and his mother had been married with 3 children. Her marriage ended in divorce after the war. Bob was born to them the year before they were married. In 1948 they felt they had no option but to put him up for adoption as he had been born out of wedlock in a society that was not very accepting.

Times and attitudes have changed greatly but not the laws surrounding adoption. These laws were legislated in 1929. We are far behind other countries in our legal thinking. The public is far more open. It is time our laws reflected the reality of 2001.

We only need to look at the European countries and that of Australia and New Zealand to realize how for behind we are. I hope you will afford Bill 77, Adoption Reform the time and effort that it deserves. We can not let the short sightedness of legislators in 1929 control the lives of adoptees and their families. It is wonderful to have siblings to relate to and grow old with.

I am asking that you to give Bill 77 your full interest and support. My husband and I have lived a life of unanswered questions and worries. We are not alone. I hope that in the future adoption will be based on compassion, truth and knowledge.

Thank you,
Sandi and Bob Jowett

[TALES]